Do this with your life

I told one of my friends that this is what I would do with her life if I owned it

ME: and then I'll make you do backflips with your life.
that's just to start...after that you'll be riding giraffes, and then proposing to a bushman from the heart of africa where you two will ride off into the sunset with your three asian children and your broken down Lexus being dragged behind. Once the giraffe reaches the sea, you'll part with him and ride the lexus with your family to the galapagos islands where hence to forth you will find you have toe ability to talk to turtles. You will learn of their evil scheme to take over the world and will stop them in the nick of time with your quick wit and your fast trigger finger. After that, you'll come back to New York to a ticker tape parade where everyone will praise you and deem you a lower case god and then you will decide that you don't really love your family anymore and leave them to join the Muslims to destroy them from the inside and then finally go to the only starbucks in Madagascar for a frappacino with a croisant