Hitting the Reset Button

So, yes, it is true. I still am alive. Yes, the truimphant return is upon us.

So why the title that I have placed upon this post?

Well, there are multiple reasons.
1) I haven't been on here in quite a while and I figured I'd let everybody know that I'm back and a bit different and you didn't get to observe those expressed on here.
2) In an attempt to deal with crap in my life, I've had to hit the reset button on things.


SOOOO, let's hit the serious stuff and then we can shoot the breeze.

Hitting the reset button has been big for me. Since school started, I've felt in a funk of some sort, and I've never been able to pinpoint it. I think it all stems from Satan, and basically that sucks. So I went through a lot of motions, kinda struggling. I've had to deal with feeling cut off from people, feeling useless, feeling unproductive, being unable to do things right, and basically completely questioning my worth to others as well as to myself and to an extent, God. So I went through my weeks, compliments meaning nothing and criticisms and mistakes cutting to my core. I couldn't pinpoint it and a lot of things went through my head. I still don't know what caused all of this other than the Great Deciever, but I tried to pinpoint it on my new responsibilities, my change in lifestyle (apartment, new girlfriend, etc.), and anything else I could think of. So I continued on my days, thinking people kept me around because it was polite or the right thing for them to do. I couldn't do my homework right, things I had been good at I was screwing up, my laundry cost more than I expected and no retailer would give a poor college student change for his cash without making a purchase, and the SNG anouncements weren't funny anymore. I felt like the pressures of the expectations from the world and myself were crushing in. So what did I do? I lashed out. I dropped f-bombs, I sulked, I got pissed, and finally I broke. I broke down crying playing touch football. I layed there on the grass, sweaty, teary eyed, and humble before God. I still didn't know what was going on. I cried out asking for help. AND oh boy did it come! I went to SNG that night with the pressure to be funny still on my shoulders, compliments from people still just rolling off, and the thought of a quote from Clinton baseball going through my head. "It takes 1000 atta baby's to erase 1 aww shit." (it's a quote guys...geeze) So I did anouncements, sat down, and heard God. He spoke so clearly to me through Wayne Wager that I knew our God was a living, breathing, amazing, personal, incomprehensible, and glorious being. God met me last night and hit my reset button. I prayed with Chris Ridgeway and we talked to God and I felt compliments striking clear because I knew God was validating my through this. I was ready for his hand to touch me. Amen, God is sooo good. I can just smile now, and sit in wonder! AMEN!


NOW, the rest of the reset button stuff

I really am enjoying this year so far. It's gonna be tough and there have been times I've wanted to give up on school....already. But I've gotten through so far, and it's been great. I have the awesome opportunities to hang with Jennee, my girlfriend for those not in the know, and it's been amazing. We've prayed, hung, and really gotten to enjoy eachother with God. I've gotten to hang with my roomies, watching sports, playing video games, and squirting people walking on the sidewalk below. I've gotten to meet some fun new people, and I had a grizzly beard going on for a while. I have my room pretty much organized and decorated finally. I have many posters up ranging from a "What to do when there are snakes on a plane" instruction guide, to a Cubs pennant from 1989, to Star Wars, to National Parks posters. My bed has storage underneath as it has been raised about a foot above the ground. In an apartment as small as ours, it's very important to maximize space and so I have gotten a rack of hanging shelves and it seems like my systems are working. So far this year I've been fairly faithful to working out and taking care of my body, although sometimes I think it doesn't seem that way. I've been eating lunches with different people as I have free time in the middle of my day and I've really just been enjoying life to an extent. Obviously that has been tainted by my feelings about myself, etc. But it's still been fun, and slightly a blur. There are some things to remedy, but all will be amazing and glorious come time, whenever that time will be.

1 Peter 5:10